Bush & Co. had me feeling grouchy and Paris, well that's just sad, isn't it?  I'm serial!

So I needed a mood change.  It's not good for your Chi or whatever to feel down all the time.  Which brought me around to writing a humorous for humorous sake post (say wat?)  No Political or Celebratty  Shenanigans (sp).  Hmm... says I... hmm.  I could talk about... the weather? nah.  Uh, make a list.  Ok.  Of what?  Uh, Free Things. Hey, that could be fun.  But what, if anything, is really  free?  Thus it came upon me a 'fun game'.  Name a Truly Free Thing.  Try to find a cost that prevents it from being Truly Free.

1.  Breathing.  No cost that I can think of.  Although this might not be true in the future, and there's those that do need mechanical devices (at great expense).  But, all in all, a Truly Free (and necessary) Thing, generally.

2.  Talk.  Talk is free. But some talk can be costly.  Yelling Fire in a Theatre (falsely) will probably get you thrown in jail (where you can enjoy the free meal!)  Generally it does take 2 or more to talk.

3.  Walk.  Walking is a free activity (as well as Running and Crawling, although the neighbors might call the white coats on that last one).  Walking does require energy that came from eating prior (or during).  So, all in all it's only semi-free to walk, right?  I suppose 1 and 2 are also dependent on the 'prior energy supply (food battery)' clause, so we will just generally ignore that and state that if taken to that extreme you probably watch to much Survivorman.  Love that show.   

4.  Kissing.  Free when given freely.  Otherwise could be at a minimum a restraining order.  Anything legal requires lawyers which requires money.  Don't go there!  But if you know someone that likes to swap spit, go at it!

5.  Making Love/Sex.  Well, Pay Up Front (Prostitute) or Pay as You Go (Marriage) not withstanding.  This is probably the Pentacle of Free.

6.  Other Bodily Functions.  Yeah, yeah... note that 'going #2' requires either toilet paper ($) or leaves (ointment?)

7.  Writing.  Not technically free (pen or pencil and paper).  But in our Culture of Excess there's some around somewhere.

8.  Singing.  Probably up there with Breathing & Talking.  Also, you might get boo'd.

9.  Dancing.  Adjunct to Walking.  Pretty much needs music.

10.  Play with your pet.  Kitty Massage is always appreciated.  Tossing a dog a stick is fun (for the dog).  Note that pets do need food and water each day, so there is a built-in cost.  But that's a given.  Petting Dead Pets is generally not recommended.

11.  Annoy someone.  My personal favorite.  Things like... go into a Quicky Mart, spend an hour looking over the various candies and chips, ask the guy behind the counter the cost of this and that.  Eventually, just say 'Nahhh' and walk out.  Or ... Ask to see the manager.  When he comes out.  Say 'Hi, nice to meet you' and walk out.  Things like that.  Use your imagination (which is always free and usually in short supply, go figure).

12.  Add something up.  Do math.  Do math in your head.  On second thought, that sounds like hell, forget this one.

13.  Smile.  Hokey, but free.

14.  Frown.  Make people wonder.

15.  If you went with #7, when you're done writing that mini-novel or poem, turn it into Origami or a paper airplane.

16.  You may have noticed that there is NO Computer or Internet usage in this List.  Let's face it... Computer's DO cost bucks (initially and for any additional features), and the Internet has a monthly cost for something known as ISP.  This can range from $9.95/mo for dialup to around $50/mo for cable broadband (that's about what I'm shelling out for, grr!)  Computer games are also around $50 bucks a pop and MMO's run around $10/mo.  It can get to be quite an entertainment bill there bud!  Even taking it a minimum you're looking at around 33 cents a day to hit the net, excluding the hardware.  Think about it.  Oh, and ALL those ads on the net?  Those that say 'free stuff'?  Good luck with that.  By the way, you ARE paying for that Ad as well ... just by it being there.  Face it, it's all about Eyeballs.

17.  Of course, you can always use the Public Library's!  And they have 'free books' (assuming you bring them back on time, haha). 

Ok, I got all that out of my system.  That's about all the free things I can think of.  Makes you wonder about that old adage 'The best things in life are free'.  Maybe so, but it's a mighty short list!  There's bound to be more I'm sure... and if you think of one, leave it as a comment.  No charge.

Free Zenny